Some footage from my group’s (One Focus) most recent show! Check it out and let me know what you think!
During the past couple of months my thinking and outlook on life has changed significantly. I’ve been determined to achieve a lot of artistic goals and life goals that I have set for myself. I’ve been reading a lot and speaking to others who are both wiser and more knowledgeable than I am. I make sure I stay in constant contact with these people and friends who are just as motivated and as hungry to succeed as I am. They help shape the mentality I have. I truly believe that one of the most important tools for moving towards achieving greatness is knowing how and when to change your mindset.
I’ve been doing spoken word and music for a number of years now. It’s something I always loved doing but never fully committed to it. I’ve had some epic moments in my spoken word/music career but I always treated it like a hobby. It was just something I would do when I had time to or if an opportunity happened to cross my path. Well I realized I was cheating myself and also cheating others out of experiencing my gift at its full potential (Check out “Gifts” blog). I became aware that I should be chasing my dreams instead of waiting for things to happen for me. I had to change my way of thinking, and fast. Once I went through that transformation, not only did I see myself growing but more opportunities began to come my way.
My group One Focus had a great show this weekend where we did some spoken word and live music! A couple of us just wanted to share some of our pieces we did. Hope you enjoy!
There are a lot of us that have experienced riding an emotional roller coaster for various reasons. Sometimes life comes at you so hard that all you want to do is scream, cry, break something, or worse. These emotional hurricanes can be caused by situations, people, and to be completely honestly sometimes we are just overly emotional. Either way, the point is that we’ve all been there and will more than likely end up there again at some point in our lives. It’s ok to be emotional but I want to talk about staying in control while dealing with these feelings.
We all react differently to these overwhelming waves of emotion. I tend to shut down and keep things to myself. It may not be the best way to handle things, but it’s what I’ve been doing for so long. There are times when I reach out to family or friends for help and guidance but most of the time I deal with everything on my own. I don’t recommend doing that!! It’s something I’m trying to change. I have a friend who is always telling me I should be more open versus keeping everything bottled in. (You’re right Faith!) We’ll save that discussion for another blog though. Another friend of mine normally loses her temper and ceases to think rationally. She’s even had to go to court and take an anger management class as a result of losing control of herself. When we lose control we put ourselves at risk to do something that we will later regret. That’s what happens with crimes of passion.
Losing control of who you are due to the strong feelings you encounter can be dangerous. We literally become different people when we experience strong anger, intense hurt, unbearable embarrassment, deep depression and a long list of other emotions. We get so caught up in the moment that we react without thinking. Before I mentioned that I usually keep a lot of issues pinned up inside me. The problem with that is we can potentially end up keeping so much to ourselves that we eventually explode and lose restraint. It’s important to deal with our feelings while staying in control.
Dealing with our emotions is always a little tricky. We all think differently and are affected by our feelings in unique ways, but learning to control ourselves when we are overcome with extreme emotions is something we all need to do. It’s okay to be emotional but we have to train our minds to handle these sensations in practical ways. Whether it’s venting to someone, exercising, or walking away from a situation, we have to learn to maintain our composures. The more we control ourselves, the more it becomes a second nature reaction for us. No one is perfect, but it’s not about being flawless, it’s about trying.
I know there are a lot of people who have experiences tougher situations in life than I have, but regardless I want to challenge you to find out what works for you! The next time you feel unbearably emotional find a way to maintain a rational mindset as well as your character. Do not let your emotions cause you to change in a negative way. Train your mindset to solve problems and deal with situations head on. Be bigger than how you feel and stay in control. This is how we are able to become mentally fit and survive through adversity. The key to sustaining control is having a strong mind!
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I think one of the hardest things for us to do in life is walk away from people that we care about. Some of us get stuck on an idea of how things are supposed to be with someone so we spend a lot of time and energy trying to make it work the way it we see it in our heads. Some of us have spent so much time energy trying to help others that we feel like if we walk away now then it was all for nothing. Some of us feel guilty for walking away so we stick around. We are so afraid, stubborn, and naïve that we don’t realize that not walking away is actually hurting us.
Analyzing the relationships in your life is imperative, especially the new ones. You have to understand that some people are not meant to be in your life at all and some are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes it’s difficult to able to be objective about these relationships while we’re in them but that’s why it’s important to keep you guard up. How do we know who to walk away from? I’m no expert but based on my experiences I believe it’s pretty simple. It comes down to what you are getting out of the relationship and what you are putting in to it. If I work at a company and that company goes out of business, I lose my job; if that company thrives then I’m looking at promotions and bonuses. Relationships are sort of like that. You’re either going to grow together and pull each other up or fall together and pull each other down.
I’ve had close friends that I had to separate myself from because they didn’t want to progress in life. They were content with being non-productive. Even today they’re working the same jobs they’ve been working, following the same routine they’ve been following, and still relying on their parents to take care of them. There was a lot of potential in them to do amazing things but they never had the motivation to grow. I knew I had to part ways from them because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in that same mindset. I remember being really interested in this girl and apparently she liked me too. We hung out a few times and things seem to be going great, but as the relationship went on she began to change. She didn’t want me hanging out with other girls (even though we weren’t officially together), but she was dating other guys and keeping it from me. I really enjoyed my time with her and wanted “us” to work. Walking away from her was difficult but I knew I had to. I was giving so much of myself to her and she loved that feeling, however she wasn’t willing to reciprocate the same energy. She didn’t value me.
I stopped hanging with those friends so that I could grow, even though I loved them. I walked away from dating a girl I cared about because I knew I was worth more than the way I was being treated and didn’t want to waste time and miss other opportunities. How did I do it?
I decided on what I wanted for myself and that choice forced me to remove anything that could compromise that. It wasn’t easy and it hurt, but I accepted that is was normal to hurt, I knew that the hurt was temporary and that eventually I’d be ok. Once I made my decision I tried my best not to focus on any “What if?” thoughts that could eventually have me renege on what I committed to doing, which was letting go. I didn’t spend a lot of idle time thinking about these situations I kept myself busy. I eventually made new friends and found new romantic interest. Today it’s a lot easier for me to let people go when the relationships are toxic. Don’t get me wrong it can still be a struggle but it’s all about looking out for my best interest. Letting people go can be hard yet it’s something we all have to learn to do. There isn’t one way to do it, it’s an art. It’s an art that we must learn to master because our lives depend on it. You have to let people go in order to let yourself grow. Love yourself enough to walk way!
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Our lives are made up of various relationships. They include family, friends, significant others, spouses, business partnerships, etc. These relationships play a significant part in defining who we are and who we are becoming every day. As human beings we are born with a natural desire to be in these relationships and therefore we tend to seek them out. Honestly we need them. We need these connections and associations in order to have a good support system, to be loved, to love, to help us grow, and for many other important reasons. The issue is that we often fail to realize is how important these relationships are to our individual growth and therefore end up being a part of some toxic ones that we are afraid to let go of.
In any relationship there comes a point in time when sit back and analyze it. We want to know how a certain bond has affected our lives. Is it healthy or unhealthy? Is it a blessing or a curse? We want to be sure we are getting back the same type of energy that we are putting into it. (See My Energy Blog) I’m writing this because I want to encourage you to build relationships with people who recognize your value!
A few weeks ago I posted a spoken word about relationship experiences I’ve had in my search for “real love” (Check it out here). Those potential relationships weren’t successful with those ladies because they didn’t see or recognize any value in me as a potential boyfriend. As harsh as that may sound, it’s simply the truth. After watching those potential relationships die I realized a lot of self-doubt was filling up inside of me because I began to take on the perspectives of those who didn’t see the value that I once saw in myself. I had to realize that I can’t let what others fail to see alter my self-confidence. I think I would’ve been a great companion, but they didn’t, and that’s okay! It doesn’t make them bad people, but I had to recognize that those people weren’t aware of my worth or they just weren’t interested in what I had to offer. This is why I had to server ties with those people regarding any sort of romantic relationship. Some only identified my value as a friend so today I still maintain a platonic relationship with those few, but others I had to completely move on from even though it was difficult.
It’s dangerous to put time and energy into relationships that include people who don’t truly appreciate you. It devalues you! When you allow people to constantly treat you less than what you’re worth you began to take on the attitude and self-awareness of being worth less than you are. If you were to purchase a house you’d want to keep it neat and clean. Why? It’s because you appreciate it, you understand that your property has value so you treat valuably. So why would you allow someone else to come into your house and track mud everywhere? You wouldn’t, and if they did you probably wouldn’t invite them over again. I’ve had to cut certain people off because they not recognize my value and they produced nothing but negative energy. It’s critical that we all take a look at our current relationships and decide if they are worth continuing or not. Continuously associating yourself with people who don’t recognize your value will hinder your growth and progression in life. Keep people around you who see your true value. Those people will love, respect, and challenge you the way you deserve. Don’t be afraid to cut dead weight, your life depends on it!
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A spoken word piece encouraging you to conquer self-doubt so that you can experience the greatness inside of you!
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FacebookA few weeks ago I posted a blog about dealing with emotional pain (click here to read the blog). In addition to posting that blog on my website I also put a section of it on my Facebook, Instagram and other social media accounts. My goal is always to reach as many people as possible. I want to use my gift to inspire and encourage people who may be going through tough periods in their lives or dealing with difficult situations. I’m no expert on life, but I’ve been told that I have a gift to uplift people when they’re feeling down just by talking and listening. That’s one of the reasons I started blogging and posting my spoken word pieces.
After posting a snippet of the blog on Instagram I came in contact with a girl who posted a heartbreaking video of her cutting herself. The clip caught my attention because in the description she mentioned suicide, death, and pain. To make a long story short, she read my blog and I ended up reaching out and conversing with her on social media. By the end of the conversation she said she was willing to try, I made her feel confident, and that I was very helpful. She even ended up following me from her personal Instagram account (I’m guessing the “suicidal” one was created so that she could remain anonymous and express herself freely). Every once in a while I’ll send her a DM message asking her if everything is ok, and so far she seems to be doing good.
I didn’t share this story because I think that I’m some sort of life guru or Good Samaritan. I wanted to point out the importance of using your gift because it can be used to affect the lives of others. Whether I’m putting a together a spoken word, writing lyrics for a song, typing up a new blog, or giving advice to a friend I can confidently say that I have a gift with words. I am not claiming to be the best; I just know what I have been blessed with. Once I discovered this gift I knew that I wanted to positively impact people with my words in a life changing manner. The Instagram conversation I had with that young lady almost brought me to tears because I was so happy that I was able to have a meaningful impact on her life. That moment was like a dream come true for me.
It is critical that we discover what our gifts are! It’s not only important for you but it’s important for others as well. I’m not saying that you’ll be able to use your gift to change the world in one night but there are individuals who will be impacted by you when your path crosses with theirs. I feel as though my blog served a great purpose because it gave someone who had given up a new confidence. Even if I only encouraged her to get through one day it was worth it. Your gift doesn’t always have to be tangible either. I know there are times when I’m inspired just by watching people handle tough situations in their lives. Think about your idols and those you look up to, because they’ve found their gifts and decided to use them, you have been inspired and/or encouraged. Some of us are who we are today because of those people. Tapping into your gift isn’t just about you! I would even go as far to say that if you’re not tapping into your gift and sharing it then you are being selfish. Find your gift, use your gift in a positive manner, and change someone’s life.
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