Check my latest spoken word about being alone and feeling lonely.
This is a follow up spoken word to the first “Dear Ladies” video I posted about a year ago. Click here to watch the first video: Dear Ladies Part 1
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I’ve had many others tell me over the years that I’m an extremely patient person. People have complimented me on my ability to steer through difficult and tense situations with class and calmness even when most wouldn’t blame me for losing my composure. There are some who see my patience as a weakness or as something that allows other to walk all over me. The truth is that it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve had to learn to do. Even today it can be a struggle. In all reality it takes a lot of strength to be patient. Being patient isn’t a natural trait for me. It’s not something I was born with. It’s something that that I had to really WORK towards, it’s something that I had to practice.
We all have different thresholds of tolerance, but most of us claim to be impatient wishing we had more patience. We have accepted being easily aggravated as part of our personalities and part of what makes us who we are. We want things done quickly, we demand immediate answers, and we think things should be done our way. There are a variety of thing that may set us off. Bad customer service, traffic, being disrespected, or when things don’t go our way. We even converse with other impatient people in order to justify our impatient actions not realizing how damaging it is. Being impatient or the way we deal with it can lead to a lot of negative outcomes.
Impatience can lead to having a lot of anxiety and to being overly and sometimes obliviously hostile. This all causes stress. According to the CDC 110 million people die every year as a direct result of stress. They calculate that to be 7 people every 2 seconds. Not only that but it can lead to weight gain, high blood pressure, and heart attacks.
Being around impatient people can sometimes be difficult. When someone becomes impatient they become counterproductive, rude, and sometimes just flat out embarrassing to be with. Impatience causes you to be selfish and dismissive of others. Even today there are certain people that I refuse to do certain things with because I know how impatient they can be and how they react to that impatience. In this way it can ruin relationships in your life. No one wants to be spend time with someone who’s constantly stressed out, hostile, and complains all the time. Also to be candid, sometimes it just makes people look foolish!
When you choose to accept that you’re an impatient person it’s like choosing to think negatively. It can cause you to quit or to give up easily. When you become impatient you become angry and anger causes you to behave and think illogically and irrationally. You may not realize it but impatience is a really dark trait to hold onto. It’s why you hear stories on the news about regular people just completely losing their minds in the spur of a moment and they end up hurting others emotionally and physically. Impatient people can be abusive, mean spirited, and disrespectful.
Once I realized how much of a negative impact being easily irritated could have on my life I realized that I had to do something about it, so I simply just stared trying. I tried my best to be patient and I failed many times. Today I still fail occasionally and lose my patience but I’ve learned that by consistently trying that I was becoming a more and more patient person. I’ve also realized that even when I am impatient I don’t always have to react negatively.
Even though most see me as patient and laid-back from the outside, on the inside sometimes something different is happening. I can actually be easily frustrated and can be sensitive to the way I’m addressed by others. I get just as annoyed as the next person does. People think I’ve been walking around my whole life being optimistic, when in reality I’ve had to struggle to fight off pessimism. Today I’m still impatient at times but I’m more patient because I put in some hard work to become that person. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time. I also had to be honest with myself realizing that sometimes I’m too impatient. That’s the hard part that most of us don’t want to do. (Becoming the Best Version of You)
Now there are times when being impatient is an appropriate response; I think the same thing about anger. For example I remember when I broke my leg and went to the hospital the doctor and nurses were being lackadaisical about dealing with my injury. My dad became extremely impatient, but while keeping his composure he very sternly demanded that I be moved to a different hospital. His impatience led to me getting better care but realize I said that he kept his composure. Sometimes we think that we have to act out negatively in order to avoid suppressing our feelings or to get our points across when we don’t. There’s more than one way to skin a cat but a lot of the times we choose the hardest way.
If you truly want to become more patient it’s going to take some work and honesty on your part. The next time you get cut off traffic instead of having road rage move on with your life. When you see things aren’t going your way instead of throwing an adult temper tantrum think about possible solutions and remedies. If you experience horrible customer service somewhere instead of cursing someone out just ask for the corporate number and let them know your concerns. Before snapping at someone find a more effective way to communicate. These alternate reactions will bring more peace and positive energy to your life. The more you practice the more patient you become.
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A while ago I wrote a blog about becoming the best version of yourself, that means realizing that we are not perfect and that there are things we all can work on to become better people. The key to do doing so is humbling yourself and being honest with yourself about the “flaws” that you have. For example maybe you could be more patient, do you speak rudely to others, can you be a better listener, etc. The issue with putting the responsibility of assessing yourself in your own hands is that we have been ourselves for so long that it can be hard to notice the areas that may need a little work. It may be hard and even awkward at times but sometimes what other people think about you, negative or positive, can be an important factor to becoming the best version of yourself possible.
When I started out doing spoken word and music a lot of people would always give me compliments on my performance. It felt really good to hear all the praises from others. Well one day some random person pretty much told me that I was just “ok”. My initial reaction was to ignore him and brush him off as a hater but then I decided to ask him “Well what do you think I could better?” To sum things up he told me that I lacked confidence. Now at that point I could have disregarded his opinion and focused on all the positive feedback that I was getting from others, but I didn’t. Even though it didn’t feel as good as the positive approvals I’d received, I realized that he was right and this ultimately led to me being a better performer. The guy in my story was unbiased to the opinion that I had of myself, and even though other people fed me good comments those words did nothing to elevate my performance and art. He was an outsider with an objective perspective on who I was as an artist and I choose to hear him out and make changes. I’ve applied this same attitude to how I receive constructive criticism from others when it comes to my personality.
For most of us when someone has an opinion about our character that we don’t like we tend to label them as haters. I see memes all the time telling people to be themselves no matter what anyone else says or thinks but truthfully, that’s unwise. Now there are some people’s opinion that are just meant to be hateful and crude, you know the actual “haters” that are out there! These people are usually pretty easy to spot because they’ll give you criticism without having anything constructive to say. Those are the opinions that don’t matter! However when someone tells you that you could be a little more polite, that you could stop and put others first sometimes, or that you could be a little less dismissive of someone else’s opinions, instead of getting mad or defensive you might want to hear them out. It’s definitely a humbling experience but it’s also a rewarding one.
A good way to ensure that you receive honest opinions on what kind of person you are is to keep honest people around you who aren’t “yes “ men and woman. It’s important to keep people around you who are willing to be honest about when you are wrong. I’ve been in heated arguments with people and then had friends tell me that maybe I went overboard or that I could have handled things in a more civil manner. Those opinions from honest friends have stuck with me for so long that even now when I’m in an argument or a debate I’m constantly telling myself to stay cool no matter how passionate or angry I might be on the inside.
If becoming the best version of you is something you want to do then you have to allow others to be honest with you in a respectable manner. You have to recognize that your opinion of yourself may be biased and therefore a little too generous. It’s great to be confident but it’s just as important to remain humble so that you can be willing to change those things you may not notice about yourself that others do. This is why what others think about you matters….sometimes!
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I was talking to one of my married friends who’s always giving me advice in order to prep me for that one day that I MAY/POSSIBLY get married. He said one of the realest statements I’ve heard in a while. He said “The person you are now is the person you will be when you end up in a relationship!” Man! That makes perfect sense! We all know people can change but we also know that change takes time. Make sure you take a hard look at yourself before searching for “the one”….and make sure you even look at “the one” before awarding them that position in your life. I’m not talking about being perfect but more so if you can be a better communicator, be willing to compromise, if you’re selfish or not, if you have issues committing, being a good listener…you know the basic relationship ingredients people always talk about. I’m nowhere near an expert when it comes to relationships but 90% of my friends are married and constantly giving me advice like this and it’s working for them.
Before a person becomes a doctor there are certain things they have to learn, steps they have to take and experiences they have to encounter before they are ready and prepared to be doctors. It’s the same thing for us singles. We must go through certain situations and learn from them, we have to take time to take an honest look at ourselves and make changes that help us become better suited for that relationship we want to have. We have to prepare! Just like you would prepare for a job interview or a presentation, prepare yourself for the marriage that you want….if that’s what you’re looking for of course.
My friend who inspired this post is Jeremy Caruthers (that’s him and his wife in the picture). Follow his blog as well for some good inspiration. (Jeremy’s Blog)
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