Random thoughts, spoken word, & some humor from K-Soul.



Dating Sucks But It’s Neccesary!

As a guy who has been single for years now I can tell you that I’ve experienced a lot of frustration and disappointment with dating and “talking to” women. (Some Of My Experiences) I know I’m not alone in having these ill feeling towards dating. Sometimes the negative energy from those frustrations stays with you as you carry them into the next potential relationship. Although you may believe the way you feel is justified because of what you’ve been through we still have to be careful not to let the past force us to pre-label people and relationships. These are all learning experiences that teach us to better guard ourselves moving forward. We just have to make sure we aren’t taking that negative energy with us as we move on.

The reality is you will date people who suck. Sorry, but that’s life ladies and gentleman. We are living in a time when “Netflix and Chill”, having side pieces, and casual sex are widely accepted as part of the dating culture.  You will date people who will string you along until they find something “better”. You will end up caring about someone more than they care about you. You will date people who will make you think it’s exclusive while they are dating others behind your back. You will discover that people don’t truly value you or your time. You’ll run into people who sleep around, who are dishonest, rude, selfish, and bunch of other attributes that will leave you feeling like you should just give up. Although feeling that way is natural, it’s no way to think while dating.

A lot of the time we leave these relationships or potential relationships with thoughts like: “All women are/All men are (Insert negative adjective here). For example, I know that I have trust issues because I’ve been lied to and played before so I’m often scared to get too close. I also don’t like discussing my feelings because in the back of my head I’m always thinking it’ll be used against me or that things won’t work out anyway so what’s the point.  I know that it’s okay to guard my heart more effectively based on my past experiences, that’s what we’re supposed to do, but I also know that I can’t enter into new relationships not trusting people and not being open because successful relationships have a foundation of trust and good communication. We have to try our best to just get over it. I know it’s not easy but we have to try anyways. Today I’m not as “overly guarded” as I used to be, but I’m still a work in progress. 

A while back I wrote a blog about ending up with regrets versus failing. (Check It Out Here) We have to apply that same type of logic to our dating lives. Failed attempts at finding a potential significant other can be discouraging and disheartening but at least you tried. Don’t become so bitter to point that you end up alone regretting that you didn’t keep pushing. Don’t become so heartless that you began using others the way you’ve been used. Don’t award the people who suck the power to take you off your original path to find an authentic and sincere love. Despite what A LOT of people may claim you won’t find a bunch of genuine people waiting around the corner for you. People like that are rare! The truth is that it’s supposed to be hard to find a real and unconditional type of love because if you could find it with just anybody, it wouldn’t be special. 

Dating may suck for you right now but whether you know it or not, it’s preparing you for your future relationship. The one you’ve been looking for. It’s molding you into a certain type a person. It’s necessary to help you discover what kind of relationship you want and need. Just make sure you walk away from the bad relationships with the positive lesson and not the negative energy. That negative energy causes negative thinking that only hurts you!

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The Art of Letting People Go

I think one of the hardest things for us to do in life is walk away from people that we care about. Some of us get stuck on an idea of how things are supposed to be with someone so we spend a lot of time and energy trying to make it work the way it we see it in our heads. Some of us have spent so much time energy trying to help others that we feel like if we walk away now then it was all for nothing. Some of us feel guilty for walking away so we stick around. We are so afraid, stubborn, and naïve that we don’t realize that not walking away is actually hurting us.

Analyzing the relationships in your life is imperative, especially the new ones. You have to understand that some people are not meant to be in your life at all and some are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes it’s difficult to able to be objective about these relationships while we’re in them but that’s why it’s important to keep you guard up. How do we know who to walk away from? I’m no expert but based on my experiences I believe it’s pretty simple. It comes down to what you are getting out of the relationship and what you are putting in to it. If I work at a company and that company goes out of business, I lose my job; if that company thrives then I’m looking at promotions and bonuses. Relationships are sort of like that. You’re either going to grow together and pull each other up or fall together and pull each other down.

I’ve had close friends that I had to separate myself from because they didn’t want to progress in life. They were content with being non-productive. Even today they’re working the same jobs they’ve been working, following the same routine they’ve been following, and still relying on their parents to take care of them. There was a lot of potential in them to do amazing things but they never had the motivation to grow. I knew I had to part ways from them because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in that same mindset. I remember being really interested in this girl and apparently she liked me too. We hung out a few times and things seem to be going great, but as the relationship went on she began to change. She didn’t want me hanging out with other girls (even though we weren’t officially together), but she was dating other guys and keeping it from me. I really enjoyed my time with her and wanted “us” to work. Walking away from her was difficult but I knew I had to. I was giving so much of myself to her and she loved that feeling, however she wasn’t willing to reciprocate the same energy. She didn’t value me.

I stopped hanging with those friends so that I could grow, even though I loved them. I walked away from dating a girl I cared about because I knew I was worth more than the way I was being treated and didn’t want to waste time and miss other opportunities. How did I do it?

I decided on what I wanted for myself and that choice forced me to remove anything that could compromise that. It wasn’t easy and it hurt, but I accepted that is was normal to hurt, I knew that the hurt was temporary and that eventually I’d be ok. Once I made my decision I tried my best not to focus on any “What if?” thoughts that could eventually have me renege on what I committed to doing, which was letting go. I didn’t spend a lot of idle time thinking about these situations I kept myself busy. I eventually made new friends and found new romantic interest. Today it’s a lot easier for me to let people go when the relationships are toxic. Don’t get me wrong it can still be a struggle but it’s all about looking out for my best interest. Letting people go can be hard yet it’s something we all have to learn to do. There isn’t one way to do it, it’s an art. It’s an art that we must learn to master because our lives depend on it. You have to let people go in order to let yourself grow. Love yourself enough to walk way!

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Dear Ladies: You’re Valuable!

Spoken word encouraging both women and men to recognize their value and make sure others do as well! You can check out the blog I wrote about this too. (Know Your Worth Blog)

Make Sure They Know Your Value!

Our lives are made up of various relationships. They include family, friends, significant others, spouses, business partnerships, etc. These relationships play a significant part in defining who we are and who we are becoming every day. As human beings we are born with a natural desire to be in these relationships and therefore we tend to seek them out. Honestly we need them. We need these connections and associations in order to have a good support system, to be loved, to love, to help us grow, and for many other important reasons. The issue is that we often fail to realize is how important these relationships are to our individual growth and therefore end up being a part of some toxic ones that we are afraid to let go of.

In any relationship there comes a point in time when sit back and analyze it. We want to know how a certain bond has affected our lives. Is it healthy or unhealthy? Is it a blessing or a curse? We want to be sure we are getting back the same type of energy that we are putting into it. (See My Energy Blog) I’m writing this because I want to encourage you to build relationships with people who recognize your value!

A few weeks ago I posted a spoken word about relationship experiences I’ve had in my search for “real love” (Check it out here). Those potential relationships weren’t successful with those ladies because they didn’t see or recognize any value in me as a potential boyfriend. As harsh as that may sound, it’s simply the truth. After watching those potential relationships die I realized a lot of self-doubt was filling up inside of me because I began to take on the perspectives of those who didn’t see the value that I once saw in myself. I had to realize that I can’t let what others fail to see alter my self-confidence. I think I would’ve been a great companion, but they didn’t, and that’s okay! It doesn’t make them bad people, but I had to recognize that those people weren’t aware of my worth or they just weren’t interested in what I had to offer. This is why I had to server ties with those people regarding any sort of romantic relationship. Some only identified my value as a friend so today I still maintain a platonic relationship with those few, but others I had to completely move on from even though it was difficult.

It’s dangerous to put time and energy into relationships that include people who don’t truly appreciate you. It devalues you! When you allow people to constantly treat you less than what you’re worth you began to take on the attitude and self-awareness of being worth less than you are. If you were to purchase a house you’d want to keep it neat and clean. Why? It’s because you appreciate it, you understand that your property has value so you treat valuably. So why would you allow someone else to come into your house and track mud everywhere? You wouldn’t, and if they did you probably wouldn’t invite them over again. I’ve had to cut certain people off because they not recognize my value and they produced nothing but negative energy. It’s critical that we all take a look at our current relationships and decide if they are worth continuing or not. Continuously associating yourself with people who don’t recognize your value will hinder your growth and progression in life. Keep people around you who see your true value. Those people will love, respect, and challenge you the way you deserve. Don’t be afraid to cut dead weight, your life depends on it!

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The Importance of Being Alone

When I was younger it would really bother me when my friends would cancel the plans they had with me. I’ve always been the type to get excited about upcoming plans I had with people I enjoyed spending time with, especially if it was a girl I was interested in. I have a sister who lives in Richmond and I remember making plans with her to go on a cruise a year in advance. I would tell her how excited I was at least once a month prior to actually going on the trip. Lol. Anyway, whenever friends would change their plans on me I would walk around the house moping. My dad would ask me “what’s wrong?” and I would tell him about how disappointed I was now that I couldn’t do what I was planning to do. He would always tell me to just go by myself. This was around my first or second year of high school so I’m thinking “Is he crazy?….I don’t want to look like a loser without friends!” I didn’t know it then, but my dad was teaching me a very important lesson.

My dad challenged me to spend a “night on the town” by myself at least once. I accepted that challenge! I remember taking myself to dinner and a movie one evening. I’m pretty sure it was a Friday night and I recall a bunch of other groups of friends being out and about having a great time and there I was sitting at a table by myself playing with my phone. I kept hoping no one I knew would see me and that I wouldn’t see any attractive girls because I thought it would be embarrassing. Being alone felt weird, foreign, and uncomfortable but I chose to fight through it to prove to my father that I wasn’t afraid to do things by myself. As the evening progressed I found myself becoming more and more comfortable, I actually began to enjoy my time. I people watched, did a lot of thinking, I relaxed, but most importantly I gained a new sense of confidence in myself.

After that night I promised myself that every once in a while I would “date me”. Even today from time to time I enjoy going to the movies or trying new things alone. I realized it was opportunity to discover what I liked without any outside influence. It helped me build confidence and eliminate insecurities, it showed me how to move forward even when people aren’t willing to move with you. I didn’t realize it then but the lesson I learned on that evening alone was critical to the person I am today.

I think it’s important to learn how to be happy being alone. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. As a matter of fact if you can master being alone I’m confident that it will minimize the “lonely feeling” many of us have experienced. Too many of us miss out on opportunities and fall into bad relationships because we fear being alone. The best way to conquer fear is to face it. Force yourself to spend time alone. Go see a movie, try a new restaurant, travel, or take a mini road trip, etc. I’ve done all of these things and believe that I am a better person because of it. Being alone is mostly perceived as a negative position to be in. I don’t agree with that. I think that being alone is an important part of developing your individuality. It supports you in becoming self-sufficient, self-loving, and self-relying. Having friends is very important. I think everyone needs friends and family, but I think it’s just as important to discover how important you are to yourself.


Be Prepared…For Real Love!

A spoken word about my personal experiences with relationships and love. Let’s be patient and not be discouraged. Check it out and let me know what you think. I want to hear from you! LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE!! (Follow me on social media)

Trust Issues Are Your Responsibility

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning about how I feel like you can’t really trust people the way you want to. I feel like so many people seek relationships and connections that only benefit them. I’m referring to any type of relationship whether platonic, romantic, or even family. People are always looking for what THEY can get out of it. I believe that’s why so many relationships don’t work out. 

It boils down to two main things…pride and selfishness. We’re too prideful to recognize our faults, to attempt to change for the better, and to realize that sometimes we are the problem. We love posting quotes like “Accept me for who I am” not realizing we may be horrible people. We’re too selfish and become consumed with what we can get out of a relationship and forget that a relationship requires us to give as well. 

Our generation celebrates memes that show relationship goals as two perfect looking people with matching Jordans and tattoos instead of people with matching focused mindsets. Our generation celebrates physical attractiveness without looking at the heart of a person. I think we forget that “looks” are temporary. Physical attributes have become the main standard while someone’s character has become negotiable and leaves us willing to compromise. I see it all the time. We say “I love you” without the action to back it up. We don’t commit, praise “not catching feelings”, and look at sex as recreational act. No wonder we have some many trust issues. 

No one’s perfect but it’s YOUR responsibility to analyze your relationships (new and old) to protect yourself from heart ache. It’s YOUR responsibility to honestly look at yourself to see if you’re the issues. Its YOUR responsibility to determine if you’re not getting back the same energy you put into a relationship and do something about it (Check out my “Energy” blog). We have to stop playing the victim and start taking control. The unfortunate reality is that you simply cannot trust too freely.

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Prep for your future relationship!

I was talking to one of my married friends who’s always giving me advice in order to prep me for that one day that I MAY/POSSIBLY get married. He said one of the realest statements I’ve heard in a while. He said “The person you are now is the person you will be when you end up in a relationship!” Man! That makes perfect sense! We all know people can change but we also know that change takes time. Make sure you take a hard look at yourself before searching for “the one”….and make sure you even look at “the one” before awarding them that position in your life. I’m not talking about being perfect but more so if you can be a better communicator, be willing to compromise, if you’re selfish or not, if you have issues committing, being a good listener…you know the basic relationship ingredients people always talk about. I’m nowhere near an expert when it comes to relationships but 90% of my friends are married and constantly giving me advice like this and it’s working for them.

Before a person becomes a doctor there are certain things they have to learn, steps they have to take and experiences they have to encounter before they are ready and prepared to be doctors. It’s the same thing for us singles. We must go through certain situations and learn from them, we have to take time to take an honest look at ourselves and make changes that help us become better suited for that relationship we want to have. We have to prepare! Just like you would prepare for a job interview or a presentation, prepare yourself for the marriage that you want….if that’s what you’re looking for of course.

My friend who inspired this post is Jeremy Caruthers (that’s him and his wife in the picture). Follow his blog as well for some good inspiration. (Jeremy’s Blog)

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The Law of Conservation of Energy

In high school I loved science; it was definitely my favorite subjects after gym and lunch. One thing I remember from my physics class is the “Law of Conservation of Energy” which states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can only transform from one state to another. It got me thinking about how we give certain people so much of ourselves sometimes and never get the same from them in return. We transfer this energy over to relationships, jobs, helping those in need, etc. and never get the opportunity to collect the same type of energy in return. We do this for the wrong people and for the wrong reasons so much that when the right people and right reasons come along we having nothing left to give.  By that time we’ve been let down, betrayed and hurt so much and don’t realize that so much negative energy has been transferred over to us. It’s why people sometimes become bitter and selfish; they have no positive energy left to give and can’t just create new energy.

We often exchange good energy for bad energy then end up waiting for someone or something to give us some of that same positive energy we gave so freely in the past. It’s simple science. Make sure the people and situations in your life are worth giving your energy to and that you’re getting something similar in return. If you’re always giving positive energy yet never receiving the same, it may be time to make some changes in your life. Too often we allow negative energy to be given to us we we’re worth so much more than that. Learn to be strong enough and wise enough to cut the negative out of your life. Remember energy can’t be created or destroyed; it can only transfer from one state to another.

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