Check my latest spoken word about being alone and feeling lonely.
Check out my new series on YouTube where I actually propose to my girlfriend in front of Niagara Falls. Enjoy and don’t forget to subscribe!
This is a follow up spoken word to the first “Dear Ladies” video I posted about a year ago. Click here to watch the first video: Dear Ladies Part 1
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I’ve had many others tell me over the years that I’m an extremely patient person. People have complimented me on my ability to steer through difficult and tense situations with class and calmness even when most wouldn’t blame me for losing my composure. There are some who see my patience as a weakness or as something that allows other to walk all over me. The truth is that it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve had to learn to do. Even today it can be a struggle. In all reality it takes a lot of strength to be patient. Being patient isn’t a natural trait for me. It’s not something I was born with. It’s something that that I had to really WORK towards, it’s something that I had to practice.
We all have different thresholds of tolerance, but most of us claim to be impatient wishing we had more patience. We have accepted being easily aggravated as part of our personalities and part of what makes us who we are. We want things done quickly, we demand immediate answers, and we think things should be done our way. There are a variety of thing that may set us off. Bad customer service, traffic, being disrespected, or when things don’t go our way. We even converse with other impatient people in order to justify our impatient actions not realizing how damaging it is. Being impatient or the way we deal with it can lead to a lot of negative outcomes.
Impatience can lead to having a lot of anxiety and to being overly and sometimes obliviously hostile. This all causes stress. According to the CDC 110 million people die every year as a direct result of stress. They calculate that to be 7 people every 2 seconds. Not only that but it can lead to weight gain, high blood pressure, and heart attacks.
Being around impatient people can sometimes be difficult. When someone becomes impatient they become counterproductive, rude, and sometimes just flat out embarrassing to be with. Impatience causes you to be selfish and dismissive of others. Even today there are certain people that I refuse to do certain things with because I know how impatient they can be and how they react to that impatience. In this way it can ruin relationships in your life. No one wants to be spend time with someone who’s constantly stressed out, hostile, and complains all the time. Also to be candid, sometimes it just makes people look foolish!
When you choose to accept that you’re an impatient person it’s like choosing to think negatively. It can cause you to quit or to give up easily. When you become impatient you become angry and anger causes you to behave and think illogically and irrationally. You may not realize it but impatience is a really dark trait to hold onto. It’s why you hear stories on the news about regular people just completely losing their minds in the spur of a moment and they end up hurting others emotionally and physically. Impatient people can be abusive, mean spirited, and disrespectful.
Once I realized how much of a negative impact being easily irritated could have on my life I realized that I had to do something about it, so I simply just stared trying. I tried my best to be patient and I failed many times. Today I still fail occasionally and lose my patience but I’ve learned that by consistently trying that I was becoming a more and more patient person. I’ve also realized that even when I am impatient I don’t always have to react negatively.
Even though most see me as patient and laid-back from the outside, on the inside sometimes something different is happening. I can actually be easily frustrated and can be sensitive to the way I’m addressed by others. I get just as annoyed as the next person does. People think I’ve been walking around my whole life being optimistic, when in reality I’ve had to struggle to fight off pessimism. Today I’m still impatient at times but I’m more patient because I put in some hard work to become that person. It didn’t happen overnight, it took time. I also had to be honest with myself realizing that sometimes I’m too impatient. That’s the hard part that most of us don’t want to do. (Becoming the Best Version of You)
Now there are times when being impatient is an appropriate response; I think the same thing about anger. For example I remember when I broke my leg and went to the hospital the doctor and nurses were being lackadaisical about dealing with my injury. My dad became extremely impatient, but while keeping his composure he very sternly demanded that I be moved to a different hospital. His impatience led to me getting better care but realize I said that he kept his composure. Sometimes we think that we have to act out negatively in order to avoid suppressing our feelings or to get our points across when we don’t. There’s more than one way to skin a cat but a lot of the times we choose the hardest way.
If you truly want to become more patient it’s going to take some work and honesty on your part. The next time you get cut off traffic instead of having road rage move on with your life. When you see things aren’t going your way instead of throwing an adult temper tantrum think about possible solutions and remedies. If you experience horrible customer service somewhere instead of cursing someone out just ask for the corporate number and let them know your concerns. Before snapping at someone find a more effective way to communicate. These alternate reactions will bring more peace and positive energy to your life. The more you practice the more patient you become.
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A while ago I wrote a blog about becoming the best version of yourself, that means realizing that we are not perfect and that there are things we all can work on to become better people. The key to do doing so is humbling yourself and being honest with yourself about the “flaws” that you have. For example maybe you could be more patient, do you speak rudely to others, can you be a better listener, etc. The issue with putting the responsibility of assessing yourself in your own hands is that we have been ourselves for so long that it can be hard to notice the areas that may need a little work. It may be hard and even awkward at times but sometimes what other people think about you, negative or positive, can be an important factor to becoming the best version of yourself possible.
When I started out doing spoken word and music a lot of people would always give me compliments on my performance. It felt really good to hear all the praises from others. Well one day some random person pretty much told me that I was just “ok”. My initial reaction was to ignore him and brush him off as a hater but then I decided to ask him “Well what do you think I could better?” To sum things up he told me that I lacked confidence. Now at that point I could have disregarded his opinion and focused on all the positive feedback that I was getting from others, but I didn’t. Even though it didn’t feel as good as the positive approvals I’d received, I realized that he was right and this ultimately led to me being a better performer. The guy in my story was unbiased to the opinion that I had of myself, and even though other people fed me good comments those words did nothing to elevate my performance and art. He was an outsider with an objective perspective on who I was as an artist and I choose to hear him out and make changes. I’ve applied this same attitude to how I receive constructive criticism from others when it comes to my personality.
For most of us when someone has an opinion about our character that we don’t like we tend to label them as haters. I see memes all the time telling people to be themselves no matter what anyone else says or thinks but truthfully, that’s unwise. Now there are some people’s opinion that are just meant to be hateful and crude, you know the actual “haters” that are out there! These people are usually pretty easy to spot because they’ll give you criticism without having anything constructive to say. Those are the opinions that don’t matter! However when someone tells you that you could be a little more polite, that you could stop and put others first sometimes, or that you could be a little less dismissive of someone else’s opinions, instead of getting mad or defensive you might want to hear them out. It’s definitely a humbling experience but it’s also a rewarding one.
A good way to ensure that you receive honest opinions on what kind of person you are is to keep honest people around you who aren’t “yes “ men and woman. It’s important to keep people around you who are willing to be honest about when you are wrong. I’ve been in heated arguments with people and then had friends tell me that maybe I went overboard or that I could have handled things in a more civil manner. Those opinions from honest friends have stuck with me for so long that even now when I’m in an argument or a debate I’m constantly telling myself to stay cool no matter how passionate or angry I might be on the inside.
If becoming the best version of you is something you want to do then you have to allow others to be honest with you in a respectable manner. You have to recognize that your opinion of yourself may be biased and therefore a little too generous. It’s great to be confident but it’s just as important to remain humble so that you can be willing to change those things you may not notice about yourself that others do. This is why what others think about you matters….sometimes!
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As a guy who has been single for years now I can tell you that I’ve experienced a lot of frustration and disappointment with dating and “talking to” women. (Some Of My Experiences) I know I’m not alone in having these ill feeling towards dating. Sometimes the negative energy from those frustrations stays with you as you carry them into the next potential relationship. Although you may believe the way you feel is justified because of what you’ve been through we still have to be careful not to let the past force us to pre-label people and relationships. These are all learning experiences that teach us to better guard ourselves moving forward. We just have to make sure we aren’t taking that negative energy with us as we move on.
The reality is you will date people who suck. Sorry, but that’s life ladies and gentleman. We are living in a time when “Netflix and Chill”, having side pieces, and casual sex are widely accepted as part of the dating culture. You will date people who will string you along until they find something “better”. You will end up caring about someone more than they care about you. You will date people who will make you think it’s exclusive while they are dating others behind your back. You will discover that people don’t truly value you or your time. You’ll run into people who sleep around, who are dishonest, rude, selfish, and bunch of other attributes that will leave you feeling like you should just give up. Although feeling that way is natural, it’s no way to think while dating.
A lot of the time we leave these relationships or potential relationships with thoughts like: “All women are/All men are (Insert negative adjective here). For example, I know that I have trust issues because I’ve been lied to and played before so I’m often scared to get too close. I also don’t like discussing my feelings because in the back of my head I’m always thinking it’ll be used against me or that things won’t work out anyway so what’s the point. I know that it’s okay to guard my heart more effectively based on my past experiences, that’s what we’re supposed to do, but I also know that I can’t enter into new relationships not trusting people and not being open because successful relationships have a foundation of trust and good communication. We have to try our best to just get over it. I know it’s not easy but we have to try anyways. Today I’m not as “overly guarded” as I used to be, but I’m still a work in progress.
A while back I wrote a blog about ending up with regrets versus failing. (Check It Out Here) We have to apply that same type of logic to our dating lives. Failed attempts at finding a potential significant other can be discouraging and disheartening but at least you tried. Don’t become so bitter to point that you end up alone regretting that you didn’t keep pushing. Don’t become so heartless that you began using others the way you’ve been used. Don’t award the people who suck the power to take you off your original path to find an authentic and sincere love. Despite what A LOT of people may claim you won’t find a bunch of genuine people waiting around the corner for you. People like that are rare! The truth is that it’s supposed to be hard to find a real and unconditional type of love because if you could find it with just anybody, it wouldn’t be special.
Dating may suck for you right now but whether you know it or not, it’s preparing you for your future relationship. The one you’ve been looking for. It’s molding you into a certain type a person. It’s necessary to help you discover what kind of relationship you want and need. Just make sure you walk away from the bad relationships with the positive lesson and not the negative energy. That negative energy causes negative thinking that only hurts you!
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In high school I loved science; it was definitely my favorite subjects after gym and lunch. One thing I remember from my physics class is the “Law of Conservation of Energy” which states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can only transform from one state to another. It got me thinking about how we give certain people so much of ourselves sometimes and never get the same from them in return. We transfer this energy over to relationships, jobs, helping those in need, etc. and never get the opportunity to collect the same type of energy in return. We do this for the wrong people and for the wrong reasons so much that when the right people and right reasons come along we having nothing left to give. By that time we’ve been let down, betrayed and hurt so much and don’t realize that so much negative energy has been transferred over to us. It’s why people sometimes become bitter and selfish; they have no positive energy left to give and can’t just create new energy.
We often exchange good energy for bad energy then end up waiting for someone or something to give us some of that same positive energy we gave so freely in the past. It’s simple science. Make sure the people and situations in your life are worth giving your energy to and that you’re getting something similar in return. If you’re always giving positive energy yet never receiving the same, it may be time to make some changes in your life. Too often we allow negative energy to be given to us we we’re worth so much more than that. Learn to be strong enough and wise enough to cut the negative out of your life. Remember energy can’t be created or destroyed; it can only transfer from one state to another.
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